The ugly reality .
Since I came to Africa I have had a lot of feelings , and of different intensity to the people and to the country , but none of them bothered me as much as the feeling of hatred towards the people and the country where I am. This feeling has been installed on my like a disease , which I can not fight , despite investing all my strength . Every morning I repeat that I have a purpose on to help my mother who worked hard to buy a space in this country now , anger hatred and contempt towards their people and their way of life inside me corrode like a worm on a dead animal breaking through my guts and dare to pollute my body and my mind. That mind that I ‘ve fought both release all negative feelings . Now I have the feeling that not all the retreats I’ve done to Buddhist temples , and all the meditations , not even the Buddha can be free of this feeling of hatred. In recent days seme has crossed his mind crazy questions like : Will I be racist to my own country ? And then I answered that I had not felt like a black woman would be racist to people of the same color. So you may be a class , and a snob ? Nor would it be possible is good idea would be a foolish thought . Live In Europe well I have a good life, but here I live in a wooden house , really a shack , is to build some apartments bulb on the ground that my mother bought so hard . So it’s absurd to think that I’m a snob . Then I get the laugh , and feel like this is turning into tears to give way to anger . Perhaps I have become a bad person , I ‘m only human answer . But neither this response comforts me because I realize that hatred , for the place is increasing day -day basis, to prevent this africa and its people consume me feed on me like vultures on carrion . I cling to my book full of the teachings of Buddha , waiting for me to return my ease and serenity that I’ve lost since my arrival in this continent . Every night when I go to sleep I wonder what the woman was compassionate , and full of dreams and plans to help you get on the plane a few months ago . And I can not find the exact answer of where this woman is gone or hidden . I guess in my psyche somewhere huddled waiting to get back into the plane back or who knows , you may decide to summon up courage and go out to show all the strength and goodness that is inside parking the hate and fear of the unknown but not strange that their is that people that have in common only their skin color and their curly hair. Please if anyone has had a similar feeling or been in a similar situation. I would like the count , because in that way we could exchange ideas .