Closure:, we all need some time in our lives for closing moments already lived. It is an indispensable part to start a new life, or project.
It’s my last night in Madrid, and despite all the pain you have caused me, I still can not stop you from steal my dream. I need to write this, not for you but for me. Finally to close this stage of my life, which you has been part and I thought it was a dream because my soul was cracked and brittle.
Dear JA, I still do not understand that you could not give me a minute of your time, for me to close this phase of my life. After sharing my life, my body and my broken soul and give you what little remained of my damaged mind. You have not deigned to give me the opportunity to look into your eyes again, to uncover the truth, if you were part of my dysfunctional mind, or maybe the love I felt for you was real and not due to my emotional imbalance.
Until the last moment I had to beg for your attention to something as simple as giving a shelve a part of my life that you’ve been on, even for compassion.
Despite the pain I feel now. I know I’m not hurt because you’ve disappointed me again as a person, but because I realize again that I was broken and did not know. If it wasn’t that ,why would, I beg for a bit of your love, beg for every kiss, every hug.
But none of that matters anymore, because it was cracked and you were one of those pieces I pasting , so I would not finish to break, wake up and face the reality that I was hiding from.
From the beginning you left me clear, were not in love with me, you were just beside me for compassion. I accept your giving because I was lonely and full of pain. Accept that you treated me like crap, accept that you humiliate me ,with the excuse to make me strong. I accepted that you repeat, again and again that you didn’t love me. I agreed to be the hole where you free your tiredness and download your stress. After all it was cracked and did not know how to make the pieces continue together.
But after all this time and being aware that you remade your life with another woman, which makes me happy. You know it’s true because you know me . I hoped that you will give me a little of your time, to close the door to those moments that were nothing more than the result of your compassion.
I do not hate you my dear AJ, because even if they were the result of the pity you felt for me. You dedicated your time to .
I enjoy every one of your kisses, your hugs and your little smiles.
I enjoy every intimate moment we had, even when my body just wanted to escape the pain. You made the life bearable for me, even for an instant. Thank you very much for all those moments you granted me.
I can not force you, nor do I want to force you, to see me. Because as I write this, I realize that I do not need to see you, or your permission to close this phase of my life. Because with these words and this confessión of my love for you. Although you never believe me, I close this part of my life.
Wishing you the best that life has to offer and I sincerely believe that you deserve.