Fear of the future.

Sometimes I wake up scared and crying, sometimes I wake up desperate and terrified. I realize that time has passed, and I’m not where I thought it would be. Things have not gone as I expected. I wonder, how is it possible that I left all that bad? and begin to analyze if I skipped a rule of life for which I am in a place where I do not want to be.
I sit on the bed and make a list of all the rules he had to follow so that everything would go well.
I endeavored in  the school, I was always a good person, I have never been lazy on the job, I treated everyone with respect. And yet nothing is where it should.
There was a time when I thought that life owed ​​me something. Then I thought of the law of compensation. He had the idea that this was like a balance at the end the bad things had to be matched with good passing you along life. But the scale never matched in my case. It could be possible that never equaled, and night terrors continue. Or perhaps, is the sense of loss, I have sometimes, when I wake up. It’s what I’m afraid of.

t’s the feeling of loss of innocence, loss of youth, loss of childhood illusions. I can not lie if I tried. Adult reality hits me hard and gets me out of my fantasy. I have no fear of old age is a natural life process. I have fear of being poor and old. I have fear that the disease gets me in poverty.

I know that most people  fear see how their flesh growing old and losing the clarity of youth. But that does not bother me if I have my health, money, a home and a family. Then I’ll be strong as a rock, wise like an oak, and bright as the sun itself. Would fight a thousand battles and accompany the same King Arthur, because my strength would be like twelve dragons.
When my thoughts turn dark as night, meditate and think about how to get to where and when you want to be.
And the only thing I can think of, is not giving up. You may have to fight until my last breath loses. Perhaps, having seven seas navigate and realize that what he sought was sitting in front of my street. It is possible that in my attempt, lose direction two thousand times before finding it. When I find it I will sit and rest.

You can follow me waking up scared, because it is in human nature to fear losing what you love.
But on the nights of fear, I will embrace my beloved.
When you feel the world reeling under my feet. Will plant your feet firmly on the ground of my house. I will water  my garden plants and the earth stopped tuning.
When nothing makes sense, I’ll watch  my grandchildren eyes, hear their laughter and songs as they play. Then everything will make sense:
My two thousand battles, feels my travels by sea and two thousand times I lost my way, in my search for happiness imperfect. That only truth seekers can enjoy.




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