My parents think I’m stupid, then I must be. This is the conclusion that a child would arrived after hearing thousands of times, how his parents call him stupid. In his teens he’ll still think I’m stupid.
And when he turned forty perhaps he’ll bury this feeling inside him. So that others would not notice his weakness. But whenever he do something wrong, he will still think that is because he is stupid, and unable to do anything right.
The reason I start this post like this. Is to confess my utter annoyance to some self-help books.
And believe me I have read many. Some of the titles: the power of now, conversation with God, my inner bitch , the secret, the compass, who moved my cheese. peaks and valleys, the four great truths of happiness … etc. And they all claim that an adult can suddenly change and become someone different and new.
And none of them came up said, that most the adult problems we have, come from our childhood. I do not think anyone is born adult. This is not the case of Benjamin Button.
What makes us who we are as adults is much deeper than the vision of the an inappropriate image on tv.
I sincerely believe that to help change an adult, you first need to make him embrace his inner child. Asking him one question. When did you start to think this about yourself?
All these books advertised fast life changing . Make things look very simply . You just have to order your life in 7 days. Meditate few hours. Others say you have to hear a cd every day in your car, and repeats, how important you are , you can achieve your goals, now is what matters . But how they thing someone who had been forty years, thinking I’m unable to do anything right, weak and scared can suddenly change . They want this person ton change and become a new person with few exercises. When in the background he still the child who his parents used to call stupid all the time.
First I will have to meet that little kid. Tell him, he had never been stupid. That his parents were wrong. Her teacher was negligent, and didn’t do a good job. That his childhood friends were cruel, because he was an easy target. And not because he was stupid, or worthless.
That the adults he trusted, were not worthy of his trust.
As adults, it costs us forgive our weaknesses. But we live with them. But as children we accept the damage, but we can not forgive our weaknesses. Because we believe blindly that we are guilty of them. Because accept that those who have to protect, educate, love, us ,are negligent. is too painful.
We can’t wait an adult to transform into a new person, for overnight. When he still an 8-year-old kid sitting in a corner , feeling guilty for not being good enough, smart, funny, talkative, handsome . But mostly ,loved and protected by those who have brought him to this world.
I’m not saying that self-help books to be ineffective. But I firmly believe that, they are more effective if you have worked your inner child.
After injury ,You don’t put a band-aid directly to a wound. You have to clean it first, dry and cover. Otherwise it never heal.
My conclusion if you want to change your life, ask yourself these two questions .
1-How was I before have these beliefs I have about myself ?
2-How would I be if I hadn’t these thoughts about myself ?
And Last : Forget everything you think you know about yourself. And begins reconstruct yourself again.
You may be surprised.